Ten ways to know youre dating a real man
Your deluded description falls considerably short in describing a desirable man. A real man is a human with a Y chromosome. The definition of desirable will obviously vary based on the compromises a woman is willing to make. I like my car so I wanted to put a photo of it on my blog to help represent my interests, can you please elaborate on how this affects my credibility? My problem with your content, including your web design, is that it perpetuates a superficial set of expectations in our youth about whom they might find desirable in the future.
The entirely subjective lists that you confidently display only succeed in putting up mental walls of disqualifying criteria, rather than encouraging an air of inclusiveness and acceptance of human diversity. I enjoyed this blog. Thought it was a great list and it can apply to women also! I also enjoyed the comments.
Some people are nice, some are rude, and some are plain ignorant. Thanks for the read! He IS what most women vie to marry in life. He IS their best friend! Honestly this article has made me look at my 7 year relationship because the words that JMS has written, are, simply put, true. Women need to feel appreciated, loved, not held back in their ambitions, and have a man who appreciates more in life than just her — all in which make a man, a man.
None of these comments actually attack the article itself.
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I found myself thinking about if I did any of these things in my past relationships. Also, these are qualities of a strong man, not just being a gentleman for a woman. They remind me of my father and how he treated his family and how he did things in his life. So, thanks for this post, James! I just made some new goals for myself! We all vary from time to time, but I think having something to strive towards will open our eyes to where we can improve, and then take action to do it. Some guy getting a shave, a cigar, and people in romantic situations…super materialistic, shallow, and completely unrelated to the article.
Model getting shaved in suave hipster attire. Ryan Reynolds coming down on a model. Model with half buttoned shirt. Model bent over on bed. And some awfully thin skin for an online journalism. Have you seen my replies to other nonsensical comments on this blog? A MAN is what happens when the male has real confidence, and treats others, himself, and his woman with respect. James, my brother just shot me this article and I enjoyed reading it.
I just got out of an intense, serious relationship and I wish I could have read something like this long ago to avoid what I endured. This definitely puts things into a healthy, realistic perspective. Also, kudos to you handling criticism and responding with logical debate. I look forward to future reading from you and wish you and your lady well during her battle with cancer. Thanks Brendan — I wish that point could get across to everyone. It sounds like you understand the topic almost better than I do. There will always be people who read a few lines of something, get offended, and lash out.
I am not sure Joe. Love is dynamic and it needs to develop and change its form from passionate instinctive feeling to more stable in-depth relationship with each other. When the relationship matures, I do think it is important to show the qualities that James is talking about here. I do think things just happened but most important is how we can keep the momentum longer, how we can keep the initial passion longer throughout the relationship.
Being real whether your a man or a woman is being at your significant others side to the very end through the ups and downs. Supporting them no matter how angry you are with them or how much you disagree with them. Loving that person with all your heart and never being afraid to show it.
How hard are you pushing? I think this a reasonable list. To my point, I have a friend who has been dating a girl for 4 years. He has always been faithful and they spend a lot of time together. When he comes out with boys which is rare without her joining , she constantly is texting him and calling him and pretty much ruining his night and our nights. Heck, she gets jealous when we all meet up to play basketball.
You make really good points here. I actually wrote an article after this about how to know your girl is a keeper. Obviously all of these points are correct. However, only a woman who also lives up to these points is worthy of such a man. All of this is marketed at women. Guys, why would women have a problem with pictures of rich, handsome men accessorizing an article that tells them they should be worshipped? Lastly, women have to admit that none of these points come in to play if they can score any of the men in these pictures.
Interesting comment Jace, I do agree with a lot of it — though I never thought of copying lists out of Cosmo and changing the phrasing, maybe I should start doing that haha. This article was simply written by sitting down and typing. This is an interesting post and I agree these CAN be great qualities to a specific type of woman. There are so many types of personalities out there and not every woman meshes with this type of guy.
Jealousy…some women love a jealous man. It makes them feel wanted and loved. Cool and calm…some women like men who get angry and protective of their lover. I could go on…but the point is not all women are attracted to this type of man. Certain woman are attracted to certain traits of a man…and vice versa. Are these all traits men should reach for? People have flaws, naturally. That would be sexist. Good point — can you let me know exactly which parts of the points here are incorrect and you think should be changed?
Love the list, try to follow it with every woman I date… but where is the shirt from in the 4th pic, the white one with the black border and black buttons? The first part is that all men are real. That post has been invaded, taken over, and redecorated by a society that believes men are broken women. Where is there work on her part to attract, support, and compliment said man? She was all ears. I told her this exchange had two parts.
The first part was for her to name 5 desirable traits that she finds suitable in a man.
10 Ways To Know You're Dating A True Gentleman - James Michael Sama
Without hesitation, she rattled them off like a Family Feud champion: I then asked her to name 5 traits that she could offer a man. Dude, grow up- let men be whoever they want. Perhaps next time you could comment on the actual article rather than the random photos I selected for visual effect. I thought it was a well written article. Its not like an article is going to teach you how to be a man. But some mantras or sayings to follow as a guide, I think its a good article.
Girls that have a lot going for themselves, have certain expectations. This article stumbled across me on one of my greyest days. Just contemplating wether or not there was even such thing as a true gentleman anymore. I am by no means a hater, but I my I have been starting to fall into the hate all men category. So I guess it is my fault in the sense that I should have been less trusting?
Quicker witted, more suspicious, more and less of everything that I am not. I am totally friends with myself, I can actually hang out with myself, lol me and me are cool, we go way back. How I found myself so deep in this is absolutely crazy, and how to come out of it is so hard. I can only coast on the hope that there are others out there as noble as I feel I am. I appreciated this article, and a couple of the other ones, on an intellectual level, because its actually what I would kind of expect of a man, or at least hope for.
Man I wish I wouldve known how to accept all the red flags before I was knee deep in the most draining relationship of my life. Not looking for pity, I just honestly, yeah. Thanks for the post, uncoincidently timely. This describes my boyfriend to a T. Its never too late for self improvement. Love the read, I stumbled upon this through friends FB share. Plan to read them all. Already read the women version of this too. I think there is such few of these men with such character and qualities. These men were raised by a real man and a strong woman who helped him build that foundation required for self awareness and optimal growth.
Furthermore I think an education is second biggest key role. The key points cannot compare with women because these key points DO describe a real man. A male is not a man if he is not strong and real! This is great material to get bitches. Works every time for me too. The proof is in comments from the women, not from the dudes who obviously have no game. I def dig the titles in bold.
10 Signs You’re Dating A Real Man (Not Another Boy)
Women have no choice but to wet themselves hearing that shit. But I will take a few friendly jabs at some of your 10 commandments. No mind games, fellas. Leave it to the bitches. This gender role reversal thing is awesome! Gold-digging is soo much fun, but it really hurts my feelings when you girls just use me for sex. All kidding aside, please consider replacing the photo with the cigar and whisky. The risk for oral cancer is significantly increased when alcohol is combined with tobacco.
A very enjoyable and insightful read. I agree with most everything in your article. All men should have a code that they live by, whether it be Religious, Philosophical,or what have you. I appreciate lists such as these because it reminds us as men that we are not above growth and bettering ourselves.
Set the bar high. Thanks for the reminder and for a great five minutes James. By showing a woman seductively placed on the bed waiting for the man. If I ever find a man, who would have half of the list of those qualities, I would be the happiest girl alive. Thanks you, James, for writing this!
Thanks James MIchael Sama. I will add some of my own feelings on regards to this great post you have made. Yes your 10 ways to know are very acccurate James, in a relationship. A real man values more than just looks- — — I will agree with you on this with some tweeking to your post. If your in a relationship then yes this would definitely be the case. I am in one and its def good to value a girls personality, and charm, and her intelligence etc etc. But trust me my gf of 2 years loves when i visit her and when i walk in the door and tell her damn she looks very sexy in her leggings, its ON!!!!
Women respond to sexual flirting. They like knowing exactly what you find sexy about them. My gf loves it!!!! Its like going to buy a new car. You look and look and look and you pick out the one car thats physically jumps out at you first. Then after picking between which car physically looks the best, you finally get to the interior and learn more about what it possesses.
Dedicated to your stories and ideas.
In the dating world women and men will look for the one person that catches there eye the most. Once you finally meet then its all about what you advertise first. Then after that overtime you see what they have to offer. Get my drift here lol. A Real Man will Never be intimidated by your motivation. Ive seen and known guys and girls both who have shot down the others goals in life. This one goes both ways.
If you love someone you will always support them. A real man will have more interests than just you. This is the one that alot of people need to read and understand. Both girl and guy in a relationship need to take time for themselves. But yes in the relationship world so many people i have seen with my own observation lack this simple, yet effective fundamental.
Someone very dear to me since he is family, is a perfect example of this rule. He is currently married and his wife controls alot of his life. If i want to hang out with him, he goes through her first. Alot of times she says no to him and i end up being pissed off because hes my brother.
And the fights grew and at one point i was worried for them. Over time he finally convinced her, along with the help from us, that its ok to take time away from each other. Everyone needs time for friends. How can you be happy when you spend every waking minute with someone. I know it sounds bad but its not. Take some time and miss each other.
Have fun with friends and just unload some stress. You have each others hearts, what more could you ask for. A real man will give you answers — — I will agree to this as well. A real woman will give you answers too. This is hard to find now-a-days. Be straight forward with each other and with no BS. Very simple to understand people!
If your in a relationship, tell your other half what you want. If he or she asks you a question…. My gf loves to dance around an answer when i ask her a question. Needless to say it drives me nuts because when she asks me a question…. Saves time and it saves from getting upset or frustrated. A real man is direct — — I definitely agree to this. I tell my gf everything direct. If i want something i tell her what it is i want. She more than willingly will find the solution. Unless we got something going on then ill get the o well we have to do, which is understandable. Women i think need to be more direct sometimes as well.
In the single world women play mind games just to watch men flail around confused. No im not being a sexist because if it was the other way around and women had to approach the men all the time,,,,,the world would be sooooo much simpler. A real man will trust you. Yea there will be times when your girl goes out that she will be hit on and thats something both sexes have to understand. She thinks they are just being nice, but i know because i watch guys do it.
And to both sexes,,,,,,please dont abuse the trust. I personally watched a married man get dropped off at the bar by his wife with there child in the car. She left and he walked in the bar. As the night went on and the liquid courage kicked in, i watched him start flirting with a woman more and more. It went from just talking to body language, to touching etc etc. By the end of the night he was grabbing her butt and putting his arms all over her.
Even tried to kiss her. When bar close came around i kept wondering if she would see him in the act…. When she arrived he was in the bathroom. IDK if he was just going to the bathroom or puking. A real man is cool, calm, and collected. Yes like i said its ok if your girl gets hit on, or if a guy buys her a drink. Heck thats one less drink i gotta pay for.
And no im not being cheap because my gf would say the same thing to me. Free drinks are always welcome: Just make sure you watch the bartender make the drink and that it comes directly to you.
And the reason i disagree with this is because some guys will cross that fine line thats not acceptable. If a guy tries to touch my gf then i wont be so calm anymore. Now i trust my gf and shes the type that will move away if a guy tries anything towards her. A hug is not cheating people. A real man will show you respect. I was raised by a strong father and a strong mother. I was raised to respect a woman. Unless they do something that warranted otherwise, but it takes alot to get it to that point.
Ive seen some guys post on here who have shown there true colors. Yea keep thinking like that because in the long run you will be miserable and alone. I have come to know some guys who are like this and all i can say is stay away from me because im the last guy you wanna say that too. A real man will put effort into your relationship — — I agree. This definitely goes both ways in a relationship. Real men will never give up on anything in a relationship, unless the female has done something wrong. If a girl cheats, or doesnt trust you,,,then its time to throw in the towel guys.
More so if they cheat…. If your woman questions her trust in you, ask why she felt that she had to and see if your relationship can move forward or not. A real man will make you want to be the best version of yourself, without changing who you really are. Never change for anybody! Its ok to make adjustments in your life to best fit your relationship, but never change who you are as a person.
A real man inspires a girl to move forward. My girlfriend has had her review meeting with her bosses. She was so nervous they would have negative things to say and that she might lose her job………. But my gf works her butt off for the company and i have always encouraged her and have told her she is doing a great job, even though her job adds stress on us. Some nights she would get home and want nothing to do with anybody for the night. As hard as that was to get use to, some nights i let her be alone to relax and i find something else to do and she loves me for that.
Theres where adjusting comes into play. But even through it all i always told her she works hard and that she puts so much effort in and that everything will be fine. And in the long run she had an amazing review at work. Yes there are guys out there who are players…..
Others will hide if from you and act like a real man. In reality ladies you are the cause of your own question. Sooooooo many times ive seen women be very shallow. But you all know deep down that the door swings both ways. The secret to finding a real man………….. Ladies a million to one,,,,the real man your seeking………is usually a man you already know who is sitting there on the sideline hoping one day you will look his way. I love, love, LOVE this article! I want to be treated as an equal. Being a woman entitles me to nothing. I feel that you get what you give.
Alot of these sound nice and wishy washy, but what about the man himself, His character is much more important than his overall focus on the women herself. Dreams, aspirations, and hobbies are a good way of wording it but it goes beyond that. In my opinion a real man is one who puts his priorities ahead of any one, if a woman wants to be a part of that mans life then a woman should expect that this man has goals and aspirations and not put herself ahead of them by forcing a man to be everything listed above. A man can be some of these and still retain his long term goals but asking all of it from him is asking to much.
By that standard if I should have to give these above behaviors then would that make a women anymore likely to give me what I want from her? No, of course not. A real man in my opinion is himself and if a woman wants the things listed above then she should go find a man with those qualities while expecting fully to rarely find it. I personally would step in if some guy was hitting on my woman. Short skirts, cleavage…oh no. You need to change honey!
I agree with American Thinker.. What the fuck does that even mean? I find it funny that you would think it was in your parameters to make such a request. This is where insecurities in men get ridiculous. We like to be desired, but along with those sexy looks, we also have a mouth which can politely or rudely tell someone they need not apply. Take pride in the fact that your woman just walked into a club, men hit on her in front of you, and each time she balked at them, she rested her eyes on you.
You, my friend, have what every man wants and cannot have. Beat your chest… you have won. Go home and unwrap that sexy thing and claim your prize. People need to loosen up. Allow your feelings to happen and allow your partner to handle this attention without your interruption, they are perfectly capable of taking care of it.
And believe me, you would want to see how your partner treats others in situations like this. Whether you were hurt or happy by their behavior, let them know. It will make you stronger, and it will show you also how they consider your feelings as well. Are they really right for you? What if they bask in the attention and flirt back? If you talk it out, you can pinpoint these kinds of things.
I once dated a really charismatic man who adored the attention he received from everyone. Instead of being honest about this, I hid my uneasiness from him until it ate at me. I began to resent him due to the influx of other feelings my secrecy had attracted.
When I finally told him, he understood and over time he decreased this, but the damage was already done. We developed other problems from the new found communication issues and on and on. Eventually we split, and it was because of my own insecurity. Deal with your feelings and be honest and open. He is just considerate and attentive, as you should be as well and puts forth the effort to understand and compromise wherever necessary. I dress sexy and classy when I go out and that usually will entail an open back dress or cleavage. There is a huge difference between slutty and sexy. Keep that in mind.
As if everyone is supposed to magically know that YOU are dating a particular woman. Especially while you are probably slobbering over other women still wearing short skirts and showing off their cleavage. U are obviously NOT the man they are speaking of in this aritcle, so dont make your insecurities blatant for everyone to see. Honestly, you really have no right to tell a women what she can or cannot wear…you could suggest. You should be able to move on and let it go. Would you really want to cause ruckus in a relationship over something relatively small anyway?
Any woman who has self respect, and respect for her man, is going to dress accordingly. A real man will learn from his mistakes and false illusions. By visualizing the future, you and your lady might be perfect for each other, does two negatives make a positive relationship? If so, then you are doing ok, you might have just visited the wrong webpage here.
You were done in your first sentence here friend. Hang in there things might change for ya! I think a great number of you missed the point. No one told you to go after the most inappropriate woman at the bar. Given the choice, most men gravitate towards the cleavage, rather than find the more subdued lady sitting in the corner. Change who you are and you may achieve better results from your relationships. Where is your respect the woman you claim ownership over. If you are worried about her ability to say no, then perhaps she should examine her current relationship.
You think the only reason a girl would be hit on is if she looks sexy or revealing? Notice how your mind automatically went there? And you do sound insecure and controlling. Exactly the man that no one wants. My opinion is that a real woman would not WANT to attract other men, and would care about my opinions on her address, as much as I care about hers. That could be worded differently, in a way that is not demanding. Couples should hold each other accountable on this. I have two things to say in response to your post: If you have a lovely lady, then she could be covered from her neck to her toes and still be approached.
I do agree with you that a woman who has any self-respect and respect for her man will not dress in a way that makes her man uncomfortable. In which case, it would be safe to assume that he was not attempting to be disrespectful and the situation could easily be fixed by stepping in, with a cool, calm and collected demeanor and making your position known.
Any disrespect after that would of course warrant more extreme measures. So a real man wear french cuffed shirts, bow-ties, Italian cut suits, smokes cigars, drinks cognac, gets straight razor shaves and still finds time to objectify women while she poses like a stripper on the bed. The images of what real men are belie your descriptions of what you write a real man should be. Take for example the picture of the woman on the bed, her legs outstretched, back and neck arched, she is meant to be seductive and attractive.
She has been posed to accentuate her legs, breasts and curves while the man is faceless, a virtual piece of furniture. The entire focus of the picture is the on the woman and her assets. As a writer you have to consider the whole page as part of your message, and not expect your readers to rely only on the body text. I had the same response as Trevor, particularly re: Remember, the human brain works first with images. I was about to write the same as Trevor. Your piece is a bit of a miss for me for three reasons: Men like this do seem to be a rare breed.
I find the gratuitous portrayal of tobacco products as glamorous offensive. You should really think about your images before you post them. I see now the misconception that comes from it. Are you just now learning how to put words into a sentence? Unlike many women I know i do not over think relationships, including men I date, so I was catching everything you were throwing out, however I do agree with the influential amount of power that the pictures will have over the words.
I wish more men did dress that way! It sure beats a man in a wife beater with a dip in his mouth and a bud light…gross. I wish more women dressed and acted like these pictures portray!
10 Ways To Know If A Man Truly Loves You
It sure beats sweat pants with a loose fitting sweater, gross. Please kindly return the two minutes it took me to read this article. There are so many trolls around here, geez! His decision made me respect him even more. And when he finally said it, it was worth the wait. He says he cares for you but his actions states otherwise. He says he gives you his word but breaks it every time. As women, we need to pay attention to actions and not words.
I would pick a man that lets his actions speak for him than a man that is all talk. If you are dating a man that is all talk, give him away for free. He will make you his priority and keep his word. If he says he will be at your place at 8 p. I can tell you where it is going, nowhere! How can he truly love you yet go days without communicating with you? When a man loves you, he will check in at different hours of the day to make sure you are okay or call to hear your voice because you were on his mind.
If you go 24 hours without any form of communication from a man that claims to love you, drop him. You are now single and free to mingle! This also has nothing to do with me binge-watching Ryan Gosling movies and wanting my own lovely gentleman. But when I started dating my boyfriend, he showed me how a gentle man is supposed to treat his lady. He showed me in subtle ways: Look out for the little things. Does he open doors for you?
Sit after you sit?
Never walk ahead of you? Praise you when you doubt yourself? Always on his iPhone when you are supposed to be bonding instead of dropping it and listening to you? Gone are the days when men would go far and beyond to get the first date from a woman. But now, men either take the lazy way that requires no effort; inviting her over for Netflix and chill so he can later try to take her to bed. Pay attention to how he treats strangers. Is he a jerk? Now I am not suggesting that he pays your student loans or credit card bills, but just how invested is he when you need help.
Does he offer encouragement? Is he there for you? When he talks about the future, he mentions you. He tries to show you that he sees a future with you. He makes you feel safe. You know you can count on him. You can trust him with yourself and your life. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again.
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