Dating someone on drugs
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Individual therapy for the significant other. The non-addicted person in the relationship can also benefit from therapy by:. Gaining education surrounding the nature of substance abuse and addiction. Understanding their role in relationship struggles and patterns. Support group meetings for both individuals. People in healthy relationships are able to function well together and apart.
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Support groups are a good way to spend time apart while still being in an inviting, empathetic environment. Regardless of the form of treatment, several relevant themes will be crucial to the future of the relationship, including:. Certain care must be made to engage in productive communication that shows a level of respect. The communication should be encouraging, clear, and concise. A reciprocal exchange of thoughts and feelings is the goal.
Active listening with good eye contact in a calm, distraction-free environment will increase the productivity of the conversation. Unhealthy relationships frequently involve poor or absent limit-setting. Limit-setting includes a clear description of expectations paired with the consequences of specific actions. Equally important is follow-through and consistency.
If a loved one says that continued substance use is unacceptable but continues to tolerate the actions, the limit is negated. Limits require consequences to be effective. They may begin to acknowledge that they are causing more harm to their significant other. Likewise, the person with an addiction may realize that continuing to be in this relationship is too destructive to the other person or himself. If the decision has been made to end the relationship, consider these tips to move forward in the safest, most effective way:.
If you or someone you love is suffering from addiction and looking for an inpatient treatment center , call our confidential advisors at Who Answers? We can help provide you with options for finding an appropriate drug addiction treatment program. Be sure to ask if the treatment program provides couples counseling or family therapy, if you are looking to work on both your relationship and addiction.
You may also wish to seek inpatient or outpatient therapy for your relationship concerns, specifically. Remember, if you love someone with a substance use disorder, it is important not to neglect your own needs. Support groups for loved ones of individuals suffering from drug and alcohol addiction can help you build a network of people who understand and help you learn how to care for yourself as you navigate this difficult journey. Support groups include Al-Anon and Nar-Anon.
Social health and a healthy…. For those seeking addiction treatment for themselves or a loved one, the DrugAbuse. Our helpline is offered at no cost to you and with no obligation to enter into treatment. Finding the perfect treatment is only one phone call away! Use honest, assertive communication based on respect. Are fun and rewarding.
But the number of people who've achieved staggering personal growth without drugs is overwhelming even to consider. On top of that, no one should be anything other than respectful about your distaste for using drugs, and from the other standpoint, it's not your problem or business if his friends do. As far as your boyfriend, though is concerned, he should especially a treat your decision with respect and b develop some compromises about the timing of it maybe he can go out on his own and go nuts on Fridays and you can go hang out with your friends or something.
Personally, for me, my biggest problem would be that logic up top. In an ideal world, i would prefer he didn't take them.. I'm not sure why they have started arguing with me, i doubt theyre trying to make me take them too, perhaps only for the reason that i dont agree with them? Even if it's marijuana, stay far far away. When my father tried to smoke pot when he was young, it gave him a panic attack. Are the people who claim to care about you saying that you should endanger your health, just because it works for them? Drugs affects everyone differently; they're being snobby at best, homicidal at worst, if they're pressuring you to do drugs.
This Carolyn Hax column discusses the issue in a very thoughtful way, I think. If the way you and them "have fun" on such a basic level is just too different, then the relationship may not progress very much further. You don't like what he's doing, and he insists on doing it. One of you wants the other to change in a way that you each don't wish to change.
And if one of you caves to the other's wishes just to save the relationship, there's going to be resentment later on. I have been there. Of course, you can try to become more educated on whatever drugs they're taking to make sure your opinion is well-formed, but the bottom line is you're having "bitter disagreements" about something important to both of you. That's going to be a sore point until the end.
You still haven't provided examples of the drugs they take. This is important because there are serious differences between the effects and dangers of different drugs. If your arguments don't take that into account, you may well come off as simply prudish and conservative for arguing against drug use as opposed to simply saying they aren't your thing, which is always ok. Regardless, this sounds like it's turning into a major compatibility issue. You should either decide to disagree, change, or decide to get out of the relationship.
I'll take flak for saying it But drugs aren't normal, they're not necessary, they're not "a part of who" anyone is. Unlike disabilities, people choose to abuse substances that alter their state of mind. Why they do it is up to themthey don't like who they are, they don't like their current status, they use it to cope, whatever it is.
Doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad person, but it means that they've chosen a way to live their life.
You have chosen another way to live your life. If this person is a regular user of anything to the extent that it causes arguments in your relationship, it means you will always suck hind tit to the substances he's abusing. It means your feelings, your needs, your everything will come second to his desire to get high, tune out, whatever he takes and for whatever reasons he takes them. In short, fuck him. Seriously, he's already made his choice, and it ain't you. Well, everything said about the types of drugs and the frequency taken is certainly important. There's a huge difference between smoking some pot or eating mushrooms every now and again and being a coke head or a heroin addict.
But all of that is completely beside the point, as has been said already. You don't like what he's doing, and he and his friends are being pricks about it. The only reason to press you further on this issue, and treat you like an immature, brain-washed, closed-minded person would be to persuade you to use drugs with them. To be honest, I don't think it's a good sign for a relationship when one person has a habit the other takes serious issue with this isn't on par with leaving his socks on the floor, this is like a dedicated non-smoker dating a smoker.
But, if you think you can live with the arrangement for now, the bigger issue is that he and his friends are not accepting your stated preferences regarding your own behavior and health. If you are going to meet half way on this and have a relationship where you decide to respect each other's decisions, it's going to be complicated, and you should avoid fighting this fight with other people.
10 Signs of Cocaine Use - Are you Dating a Drug Addict?
Yes, it is ideal that you be friends with his friends if your relationship should continue, but on this particular issue, you need to come to this agreement to disagree as a couple, not as a you versus them. If they are bringing it up, don't discuss it with them. You don't need to convince them that you are right or even that you respect their decision. You just need to do that for your boyfriend. If you are bringing it up, you need to think about why you are doing that.
You prefer that your boyfriend not engage in this behavior, but you don't mind that he does. Since he has decided that he wants to engage in this behavior, it being something you are granting him permission to do can seem like a judgment even if it wasn't. Adults typically don't like to be told what to do by someone they want to consider an equal. And to be perfectly honest, some of the language you use within this post about whose decision is more mature, for example isn't exactly neutral language.
So like I said, it's complicated. If you think it's worth it, it's your call. But also realize, if your boyfriend feels pressured to change or behave in ways he doesn't want, it may no longer be your call and he may decide that his freedom of choice is more important than his relationship. So invest your time and your heart carefully. Well, however you feel about it, there's a tremendous amount of literary and anthropological support for this use of drugs hallucinogens and cannabis.
It's entirely possible that this is a rationale along the lines of, "hey, man it, like, frees your mind," but if he is actually educated about the history and methods behind this kind of drug use it might pay to check out some of what he's read and see what you think about it rather than relying entirely on preconceived notions. And at everyone who says it matters what drugs Addictive or otherwise, a person who chooses to alter their consciousness with substance abuse, whether alcohol or tobacco or benadryl, cocaine, ambien, or percocet is a person electing to live his or her life a certain way, and that way is in direct opposition to what the OP wants for herself.
Nobody is worth making you change your mind about the fundamental goals and standards you've set for yourself, whether it's chemically, sexually, morally, or financially. This argument is not going to be resolved in the way you two have framed it. For one, no one will agree on the facts, and for two, you are each characterizing the other as wrongheaded. There is no place for a discussion that resolves anything in this context. People use drugs for a variety of different reasons and personal growth can certainly be one of them.
Whether that is how it is actually being used or merely how it is described requires looking at the specific cases. To presume his stated reasons aren't valid will not get you heard. Similarly, the health risks of drugs can be from poor judgment on the part of the user, or from uncertainty of what is being consumed due to illegality, but just calling it a health risk as if that sums up the situation just makes you sound like someone parroting the party line. You don't say what health risks you mean which adds to that impression. On his end, he's not reading this, is he? You can further this part of his and your own personal growth by figuring out how to talk to each other in a way that lets you both feel heard and understood.
MDMA and analogs like mdmc are also a frequent social thing for him. Why do you continue to have a relationship with someone whose personal choices you do not respect? Regardless of the drugs issue, you cannot control another person. You cannot make him quit.
Plus, if you drink, there's no difference between you and him other than you prefer to get high on something legal. You won't change him. I hope he doesn't change you. Plenty of fish in the sea.
10 Signs of Cocaine Use - Are you Dating a Drug Addict? | Futurescopes
I understand that -- he's saying that it cannot be achieved through other means. That's the part I have a problem with, not that some people do achieve it through that means. I was fed the same line when I was younger; the personal growth promise is what originally attracted me to them. Hindsight shows me that people I knew who put this argument out have wound up no more or less developed than the other people we hung around with. Some claimed drugs helped them get past their own egos and relate better to others; more power to them. Some others used drugs as a crutch and and escape.
Most just used and enjoyed the ride. I found the experience to be motivating but not illuminating, if you know what I mean. Peoples' mileages vary, and to make grandiose and absolute claims about this is to my older, and hopefully wiser mind a sign of immature thinking. This 'removing the ego' thing is bloody hard no matter how you approach it; that's why there isn't any one path to do it. If there was it would be very well-trodden and well-known.
But then when I was young I also thought I knew best. So it has ever been. My off-the-cuff recommendation would be to tell his friends you're feeling like you're being looked down on for your views, and that you would like a little respect for a differing opinion. If they can't accept that their world view may not be perfectly correct and allow that others might just have valid insights, then it's time to step back for a while.
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Express politely that you'd like to be with them, but that you need to feel like you're not looked down on. Then see how the boyfriend reacts to this. If he's empathetic he should see that just perhaps he plays a part in your feeling low when this subject comes up. Maybe that will improve things, or at least flag the topic as a sensitive one that they will avoid. He's shitting you; there's no "personal growth" here, he's just a stoner. You have legitimate concerns about drugs. I agree with others who say that the relationship probably won't work in the long run.
Do you really want to be in a situation in which, a. His friends sound really immature, and peer pressure is never fun, especially when you're out of middle school. Take it from a guy who, in another life, used to get twacked over the moon on drugs of all varieties. Is a bunch of shit. Like Terrible Llama said, it'd be so much easier to take this dude seriously if he would just admit that he's getting high because getting high can be a total fucking blast for some people.
Instead, he offers up this mealy-mouthed rationalization and does so, as a bonus, in a mad condescending way - that is, "I'm using these to get enlightened , and if you were enlightened like me, you'd understand that! He wants to remove his ego? He should try meditating, or maybe avoiding haughty justifications for his pursuit of animal pleasures. Now, obviously, I risk severe hypocrisy if I condemn someone for using recreational drugs, so let's just set that matter aside and consider practical matters.
He's into drugs; you're not. What does that mean for your relationship, its future and your day-to-day interactions? Do you hang around with him while he's doing whatever he's doing? Or, do you spend huge chunks of time apart while he's out getting a fat sack of personal growth? Is it fun to be around him when he's high and you're not, or when he's coming down and you were never up?
Is this the only concern of yours that he doesn't understand or take seriously? My suspicion is that, owing to these severe differences in your personal value systems and activity preferences, you two are probably poorly matched. Jesus, I just saw your reply about what drugs he takes. I thought we were talking relatively harmless ones like shrooms and weed. The effects of ketamine are, but are not limited to: Anyone who takes this without checking the effects is taking far too many risks. Well if they are arguing with you, then just tell them to agree to disagree.
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If you can accept it, just tell them to STFU. I am not gonna touch the issue of using those drugs being healthy, normal, or sustainable. His only motivation to change is to stop you berating him for his habit. You say one of your siblings had a drugs problem, which caused you a lot of pain; are you reminded of this every time your boyfriend uses drugs?
If so, you need to explore this more. Why continue to "sit in the corner"? If seeing someone take drugs is that distressing, why put yourself in that situation? You can't make your boyfriend stop, but you can avoid being around him when he does take drugs. Don't give him another ultimatum - take action yourself.
It is hard to deal objectively with emotions that overwhelm us, such as the understandable fear you experience when people close to you use drugs. The hurtful comments made by your partner's friends are almost bound to trigger some insecurity.
However, it is important to try to understand and control our reactions, when these threaten to undermine an otherwise happy relationship. Make an assessment of the extent to which your partner's behaviour poses a risk to his health or your relationship by reference to the available evidence. For instance, consult recent reports about the potential dangers of recreational drug use and consider the experiences of your partner and his friends, alongside what happened to your sibling. This exercise may help to calm your fears.
There is a wealth of advice available on dealing with anxiety - exercise, yoga, country walks and distraction are all worth considering. On the other hand, trying to control your partner is both impossible and undesirable. Built-up resentment always seems to find an outlet. As the parent of a teenager and younger children too, I am always trying to balance their increasing need for freedom with my desire for them to eat their food and do their homework. There is no way I would attempt to control my partner though. As for your partner's friends: Above all, develop your own interests and friendships.
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Most recreational drugs are illegal and all of them have potentially harmful side-effects, so you are certainly justified in holding the views you do. However, that does not mean you have the right to insist that your boyfriend shares your views. Equally, he has no right to expect you to take drugs yourself, to approve of his behaviour, or even to be with him when he takes drugs. Ecstasy, the substance you say he uses most often, is a Class A drug. That means it is illegal to have it, sell it, or even to give it away.
If your boyfriend is caught in possession of ecstasy while you are together, it will be hard for you to prove your innocence. The penalty for possession is up to seven years in prison. I expect you are both aware of the potential side-effects of drugs such as ecstasy, so I won't elaborate on these here. However, it is worth reminding you both that, because the drugs he takes are illegal, he must obtain them illegally. That means he can never be sure that he is buying what he intends to buy, so he is also putting himself at risk of unexpected side-effects from substances that may have been added to what he assumes he is buying.
That said, the heart of your disagreement is not whether he is taking drugs that are illegal or dangerous. The more pressing problem is how the two of you can find a comfortable compromise, given your differing attitudes to drug use.